Chapter Two
Dusk was
falling as the three fisherman returned to their homeport. Jonesy came out from the kitchen, the light beckoning its
welcome to the exhausted partnership, as Andy and Jess, still laughing, held up
the day’s catch.
“Nice mess
of fish you got there. You all
still hankering after fish for supper?” Jonesy
asked. Knowing they’d probably had their fill at breakfast, he had put on one
of his famous beef stews, just in case.
Andy and Jess
looked to Slim, who had fallen back into his subdued silence during the ride
home.
He looked at
the three pairs of questioning eyes. “Whatever
you want,” he huffed and reined Alamo toward the barn.
Jess nimbly
dismounted and handed Traveler’s reins to Andy. “I need to talk to Jonesy, Andy.
Will ya take care of…?”
“Sure,
Jess,” the youngster replied, happy to help his friend.
Jess followed
Jonesy into the house and closed the door.
Hanging his hat and gun belt on their usual peg, by the front door he
followed the old timer into the kitchen. Jonesy
was stirring an aromatic smelling pot of mulligan stew and looked up as he heard
the familiar footsteps.
Jonesy
hadn’t favored Jess staying on at the ranch at first, thinking Slim was crazy
to have someone with Jess’ reputation around young Andy. But Slim had been adamant and Jonesy had held his peace.
Then Roney Bishop showed up at the ranch looking for his old friend, Jess Harper. Seeing Jess leave the ranch just to keep Slim and especially Andy, away from the unstable Bishop, Jonesy saw Jess in a new light. Jonesy had seen a tiny glimpse of Jess’ true self, a glimpse that was cemented into real admiration when Jess came back unexpectedly with a piano and presented it to him from the three of them. After that, he and Jess had grown akin to one another and even more so when Jonesy saw the light and spirit return to young Andy, who had become unsettled with ranch life till the young raven-haired cowboy had ridden into their lives.
Often
times, Jonesy had given Jess some insight into the Sherman family background to
help him understand how hard it had been for the two boys in recent years.
It was this kind of help Jess needed now. ‘Why is Slim acting
this way? After all, I’ve been
away lots of times before; why should this be any different?’ He knew Jonesy was the only one who could shed some light on
his predicament
“Think
we’ll have stew, if you don’t mind, Jess. I’ll do up the fish just the way
you like it, for a farewell breakfast.”
“That’s
fine with me, Jonesy.” Jess
lingered in the kitchen unsure how to broach the subject.
Jonesy sighed. “Seein’ as you ain’t gonna leave me be, you’d best make yourself useful, while we talk,” and he shoved cutlery into Jess’ hands. “Slim been acting a mite off today,” he queried, smiling at the expression of surprise on the young face.
Jess moved
to the table, shaking his head in disbelief that Jonesy already knew what he
wanted to talk about. “Been like it all day.
Can’t figure it out Jonesy.” He
stopped only to glance at Jonesy as he headed back into the warmth of the
kitchen to fetch the necessary crockery then continued to set the table.
“How’d you know anyway? You
got a crystal ball hidden in that kitchen of yours?”
The old man
smiled at the troubled features of the young man who returned to stand next to
him. “No, Jess, not a crystal
ball, just instinct. I’ve known
that boy since he was jest a pup; he can’t hide anything from me, though he
thinks he can. I saw it this
morning as you rode off. I was
hoping that I was mistaken but obviously not, since he was like a bear with a
sore head when you came home.”
“So what
did I do wrong, Jonesy? And what
can I do to put things right?”
Jonesy
didn’t answer.
“Please,
Jonesy,” Jess implored.
The old timer
turned and put a comforting hand on the unsettled young man’s shoulder.
“Nothing, Jess. You didn’t do nothing, so don’t fret about that.”
Jonesy paused, lowering his eyes then, solemnly, he continued. “Let me see,
how do I explain this? Jess, you
got into a place Slim thought he had so well guarded that no one would ever find
it, let alone get inside of it.” Jonesy
smiled. “It’s that, that’s
made him unsettled. To think that
you could reach him there.” Jonesy
patted Jess sympathetically on the back as Slim and Andy bustled into the room.
“We’ll talk some more later boy.”
“Supper
ready, Jonesy?” Andy asked as he settled himself in his usual place at the
table.
Jonesy
looked him square in the face.
“Yep,”
Andy replied as he held up cleanly washed hands. “I did,” and he smiled
broadly at the old man.
“Cheeky
young pup, and don’t you go thinking that will get you second helpings
either,” Jonesy huffed into the kitchen and returned carrying the large stew
filled pot. “Thought we’d have
the mulligan I put up. As you have
already had a good deal of fish for one day.
I’ll rustle up a good fish breakfast, in the morning, just the way you
like it, Jess.”
Jonesy smiled
at Jess, whose mouth lifted only slightly in response, as he seated himself.
Jess’ eyes moved to the quiet figure seated across from him and the
expression on his face turned to that of concern and sadness for his troubled
partner. He would be glad when the
meal was over and he and Jonesy could finish their discussion.
Their
meal was lively to say the least but then most of their meals were spent in
cheery conversation as they ate heartily. All
except Slim, who absent-mindedly moved his food around his plate, taking only a
few cursory bites, and mumbling acknowledgements only when he felt the necessity
of joining in the other’s conversation.
Jess pushed
his chair back from the table with a sigh of satisfaction that matched the look
on his face. “Thanks, Jonesy,
that was great. Well I suppose
I’d better see about putting my gear together; want to get an early start in
the morning.” His eyes fell upon
the sad look on Andy’s face at the mention of his impending departure and he
winked mischievously at his young friend. “Wanna
give me a hand, Tiger? That is, if
Jonesy doesn’t need a hand with the dishes?”
The question was directed to a smiling Jonesy, who only shook his head.
“You two go
ahead,” he said, then added as an after thought, “there’ll be apple
pie ready when you’re done.”
Then, without
warning, the explosion came.
Unable to
stand the pain that was throbbing in his head any longer, Slim shot to his feet,
kicked his chair out behind him, sending it crashing against the wall and
marched out onto the porch, nearly taking the door off its hinges as he slammed
it behind him.
The three
remaining housemates were left stunned in his wake, staring at each other,
utterly bewildered.” Jonesy broke
the momentary spell; he poked Jess in the arm and silently gestured he should
follow Slim. Andy started towards
the door but Jess caught him by the arm. “Best
let me talk to him, Tiger. You go
help Jonesy.”
“But,
Jess,” Andy pleaded, “I want to help.”
“I know,
Andy,” Jonesy intervened, placing a fatherly arm around the young boy’s
shoulder and ushering him out to the kitchen, “but the best way you can help
is to give me a hand in the kitchen and let Jess and Slim talk alone.”
Jess picked
up the fallen chair, placed it properly beneath the table and shook his head.
With a heavy heart he walked to the front door, opened it, and stepped
out into the night.
*
* * * * * * * * *
Slim leaned
against the porch rail, his back to the house.
He breathed in the sweet evening air, trying to relieve the pain he was
feeling. The tightness that had
been building in his neck and shoulders all day now burst forth into loud throbs
in his head. It had been a hateful
day. Originally, he’d been
looking forward to a day of just the three of them fishing and relaxing,
enjoying each other’s company, but
feelings he thought he had buried deep re-surfaced to confuse and trouble
him. Thoughts of the ranch without Jess, of days spent working
without his friend beside him, had tormented him. ‘Damn you, Jess Harper.’
He shook his head. ‘No I don’t mean that…’
He tried to massage the mass of knots out of his stiff shoulders. ‘What
I mean is…’ Slim’s
thoughts were interrupted as a familiar hand gently pushed his own away from the
tangled mess that had replaced his muscular shoulders.
Slim lurched forward to evade the familiar touch but two firm hands
hauled him back to rest against the railing.
Jess’ hands
worked their usual magic, seeking out each knot and gently releasing the buckled
muscles to their rightful relaxed state. He noticed Slim close his eyes and lean into the
restful massage, grateful for the relief from the long suffered pain.
As he felt the shoulders soften and his friend relax, Jess broke the
silence, tearing down the wall that Slim had built between them.
“See what all this fretting has done to you,” he admonished. With a gentle nudge, Jess urged his friend to turn and face him.
Looking down at Slim’s pale blue eyes - he could have sworn he saw
tears there - he forgot what he wanted to say and squeezed Slim’s shoulder.
“Slim…”
A sullen head
drooped, not knowing how to look Jess in the eye without revealing the emotions
that were demanding to be let free. He wasn’t about to let Jess see how
vulnerable he was feeling at the moment.
Jess squeezed
the broad shoulders again. “Pard?
Talk to me.”
Unable to
bear the familiar touch a moment longer, the emotions now too close to the
surface for safety, Slim grabbed Jess’ hands, pulled them off his shoulders,
and stepped away without turning to face Jess again. Though he wanted to tell
Jess so much, he couldn’t, and started to walk away, shaking his head and
saying, “I can’t…I just can’t, Jess.” Without raising his head, he
walked through the door and into the house.
“Slim!”
Jess pleaded as he followed closely behind his friend; but he wasn’t quick
enough and Slim’s bedroom door slammed in his face.
Jonesy and
Andy stood open-mouthed in the small living room. Andy leaned against the elder, upset and confused.
He hated to see his two favourite people fighting like this and for no
apparent reason, other than Jess leaving on a short trip to settle something
from his past - something that he had done several times during his time with
them, and he always came back.
“Andy?”
Jonesy said quietly as he gave the unsettled boy’s shoulders a
comforting hug. “I need to talk
with Jess; it would be real helpful to us both if you would finish up in the
kitchen for me.”
Andy smiled,
though half-heartedly at Jess, who shoved his hands in his pockets and huffed
out into the cover of the night. “Sure,
Jonesy; anything to help. What
should I do when I’m done?”
Jonesy patted
the boy gently on the back. “Good
lad. Just quietly go to bed.
I’ll be along in a while. But
whatever you do, don’t bother your brother none.
Alright?”
“I’ll
be as quiet as a pri-ver-bal church mouse,” said Andy as he headed off to the
kitchen, eager to help in his small way. Jonesy
sniggered at the misprouncement and shook
his head as he watched as the youngster walked round the corner and dig into the
task asked of him.
Jonesy
strolled out after Jess, who had wandered to his usual sanctuary - the barn, and
his beloved horses. Jess always
seemed to find solace amongst the smell of leather, hay and horses.
Jonesy found him sitting up against some straw bales, his mournful
expression tugging at Jonesy’s heart so unmercifully that he knew he
was about to tell Jess the one thing he had promised himself he wouldn’t ever
discuss with another living soul.
“Jess, you
okay?” ‘Stupid, course he’s not. Jest get on with it old man and stop beating around the bush.’
“Why’s he
acting like this, Jonesy? I’ve
left before and usually it’s Andy who gets all riled with me.
Slim even told me yesterday he understood and it was his idea to spend
today together, just the three of us. Then
he gets all angry and gives me this silent treatment.” Jess shifted to a more
comfortable upright position, his anxious expression falling on Jonesy as the
old timer settled himself on a nearby bale.
“I could stand it if he were yelling at me, Jonesy but this
silence…how’s a body supposed to know what to do if’n he ain’t got a
clue what’s goin on. He’s actin’ plum loco.” Jess shook his head and
brushed a trembling hand through his hair.
“Tell me, Jonesy. Tell me what’s wrong with him.”
Jonesy laid a
comforting hand on the forlorn young man’s shoulder. “I made Slim a promise some years back, but I think it’s
about time I broke that promise. He
needs to be able to leave the past behind and get on with the future.
Now, Jess, you are part of that future bein’ as you are here on this
here ranch and all. Will you listen
to what I am going to tell you?”
“Course,
Jonesy. Anything to know what’s
got him all tied up in knots like this,” Jess answered, his sad eyes intent on the lifesaver.
“It was
hard for Slim coming home after the war. His
father dead, branded a traitor and everyone hereabouts pointing fingers and
accusing, dirtying the Sherman name so to speak. Slim was suddenly the man of the house, though he was still
only a boy himself, and he threw himself into the role with all his muster.”
Jonesy smiled, “you know, like he does with anything he turns his
hand to.”
Jess nodded
his agreement. “You’re right
there, always puts his whole heart and soul into everything and never slacks
till the job is done, and done right. Can’t
fault him for that though sometimes I’d wish he’d ease up a bit and have
more fun.”
“You and me
both, Jess. But let me continue.
He wasn’t the same person when he came home, seeing so much horror
during the war and trying to block that out, as well as trying to comfort his
mother and Andy and run this place.”
“I know
about wanting to block out the war; tried to myself. That’s how I wound up the way I did before I came here and
met you all.”
Jonesy
nodded. “Sure glad you found us
too, Jess.” He removed his hat
and ran his fingers through his sparse graying strands and jauntily replaced it
on the back of his head. “Andy
was only about 12 at the time and confused and upset about the mystery
surrounding his father and his death. He
tried to help his mother with the ranch before Slim returned, but he was just a
child. So when Slim returned, he
had to be father, brother, and son all in one, plus he had the added
responsibility of the ranch, which had run badly down and was in the red with
the Bank. Only a couple of months
after that his ma died. That was
when he wired me, being his father’s closest friend and all, for some help. The first day I arrived,” he paused, obviously moved by the
memory. “The first thing I helped
him with was burying her. Andy
didn’t speak for days and trailed around the ranch aimlessly after Slim, like
he didn’t know what to do. After
that, they only had each other. Slim
tried, but he didn’t know how to handle his own grief, let alone how to help a
young’n through his.”
Jonesy looked
directly at Jess, who was sitting forward, listening intently to the sad saga of
his friends, and continued. “After
his mother’s death he simply threw himself into getting the ranch back on its
feet. His only thought being
Andy’s future and making sure he never wanted for anything.
In choosing to go down that road, he effectively cut himself off from
everything and everybody so to speak. For
weeks he saw no one, hardly left the house and yard, except to mend fences and
see to the cattle. He cut all ties
with the neighbors, wanting nothing to do with people who called themselves
friends and then turned on his father like they did.
It was a bad time all around. It
was like he hated the whole world. Just
didn’t seem to want to be around people because that would mean that he would
have to feel it all. After all he’d been through, he just locked his feelings
away, never wanting to feel anything for anyone ever again.
Or so he told me.”
“He told
you?” Jess said quizzically.
“Slim actually told you that he didn’t want to feel anything… he
didn’t want to have no feelings anymore?”
“Yep.
Found him alone one evening in the barn just after we’d buried his ma.
That was when he told me and that was when I made him the promise. Looked to me like he’d been crying but of course he
wouldn’t let on, seeing it as being weak for a man to cry, but he was grieving
and trying to hold it all in. Still
hasn’t really let himself grieve, not properly, just being his own stalwart
self and keeping it all bottled up. Not
good for a body and that’s a fact.”
Jess hauled
himself to his feet, strolled to the open doorway and peered through the
blackness at the lights in his little home.
He exhaled, letting go of the tightness that had grown in his stomach
since Jonesy had started his tale of woe. “You
said earlier I’d reached him somewhere that he thought he had closely guarded.
What did you mean by that, Jonesy?” he asked, and turned to look at the
sober features.
Jonesy took a
deep breath and, getting to his feet, walked to where Jess was standing in the
doorway. “Slim hasn’t let
himself feel anything for so long that it scares him, especially to know that
you can evoke that in him. That you
could reach that part of him that he’s kept locked safe for so long.”
“Me, Jonesy,
what ya mean, me? What part of him?
I don’t understand.” Jess’
anguished voice stammered endlessly.
“Easy
there, boy. I mean you’ve made
him feel again, where you’re concerned anyway, and he doesn’t know how to
handle it.” He watched as Jess’
face filled with emotion. “You
found your way into his heart, Jess. That’s
the part of him he’s kept safely locked tight.
You unlocked the door.” The
old man placed a world of strength on the young shoulders.”
He cares about you, Jess and it scares the heck out of him.
Can you see that, except for Andy, everyone he’s ever cared about has
died. You’ve been pulled back and
forth by your past since you came here and all the time that was happening he
could keep his distance. Finally,
your past seems behind you and you’re settled, now.
He’s come to count on you bein’ here like you have been working close
with him for over a year now.
“During
that year his heart opened up again and my guess is he never even knew it.
And, Jess you bein’ like another brother to him jest started filling
the emptiness that I know he has there. Now
you’re leaving, even though it’s only for a short while and…he’s scared
to death of losing you. Scared for
himself too maybe, that he’d have to suffer again, and he doesn’t know if he
could survive it all over again.” Jonesy
watched as tears began to trickle down the rugged features but were quickly
stemmed. “He’s finally found someone to care about
again.” Jonesy squeezed Jess’ shoulder, endeavoring to comfort the young man
whom he was going to miss as much as anyone, though he wouldn’t let it be
known. “He needs you, Jess, even
if he can’t admit it and I think you need him too.”
Jess wiped
his hand across his face. “You’re right, Jonesy, I do. If it weren’t for
Slim taking me in, giving me a home, believing in me, don’t think I’d be on
this earth today and that’s a fact.”
Jonesy put
his arm around Jess’ rounded shoulders and the pair turned and started back to
the house, just as the light dimmed in Slim and Andy’s room.
“Well I hope it helps some, Jess.
But don’t let it stop you from doing what you need to do for your old
friend. After all, he was your friend long before you met us and settled
down.”
“I
won’t, Jonesy but Slim isn’t just my friend…my best friend. He’s my family and I won’t do anything that might
jeopardize that.” They reached
the front door. “I’ll stay an
extra day if’n you think it’ll help.”
Jonesy
quietly opened the door and warmly smiled.
“I know we didn’t always see eye to eye, Jess, and it warms my old
bones to know he means as much to you as he does to me.
I never had a any children and I look at Slim and Andy as my own.”
He patted Jess gently on the back as he closed the door.
“You’ve been good for this family, Jess. Just keep on doing what ya
doing and everything will be fine. Slim
included.” With that, he wished
Jess goodnight and entered the front bedroom he shared with the two brothers.
Jess made for his own room and closed
the door.